A few days ago, I came across a video of Michael Vaughn, a dad who went viral on TikTok for calling out the sexualization of girls (check out what he has to say here). It took me back a few years to before my oldest daughter Ember had even turned one. I was on a mommy date with a friend of mine at a coffee shop. As I waited in line to order, I held Ember in my arms since she was not quite walking yet. The lady next to me said, “Oh, he’s so cute.” I smiled and said a polite thank you. It didn’t matter to me that she mistook my beautiful daughter for a boy. Emmy was a baby and happened to be wearing neutral clothing that day. I wasn’t offended at all.

But immediately the lady followed up with, “It is a boy, right?” At this point I said (still polite), “She’s a girl.” The lady acted mortified before yelling at me (no joke!) for not dressing Ember in pink and bows so that everyone can know she is a girl. My smile instantly turned into a scrunched nose and furrowed brow. At this point, I was offended. How dare she tell me how to dress my child, or that girls have to wear pink and bows 24/7. She’d woken the mama bear.

Don’t get me wrong, Emmy had pink clothing in her dresser—lots of it. It’s near impossible to find baby girl clothes without pink or bows or glitter involved. But I wasn’t about to let a stranger tell me that it is a requirement of girlhood, or that I owed it to her or anyone else to be clear what the biological gender of my baby is. Emmy’s gender does not define her or restrict her.

I told that lady that just because Ember is a girl does not dictate how she has to dress or behave, and I planned to teach my daughter to be true to herself and happy. The lady looked at me with utter sexist disgust. I decided at that point that this lady wasn’t worth my time, and fortunately it was then my turn to order, so I turned away and forgot all about her until I saw Michael’s video the other day.

Turns out a few years later, Emmy has decided that her favorite color is pink, she loves ballet class, and she dresses like a princess as often as she can. But I am proud to say that none of that was ever pushed on her. This is who she truly is and what makes her happy. Emmy has also expressed recent interest in playing T-ball and basketball, and she will be fully supported by her dad and I in those endeavors as well. Our youngest daughter Karissa likes to do anything big sister does, whether it’s wearing a dress or jumping off the porch steps. 

As a kid, I was a mixture between girly girl and tomboy. I loved lipstick and “circle dresses,” but my mom made sure to get me bike shorts to go underneath for when I would swing from the monkey bars or play in the mud puddles with my Hotwheels and dinosaurs. I enjoyed painting my nails, but I hated playing with dolls. I was fascinated by bugs, but disliked spiders. I liked to watch baseball with my dad, but I wasn’t thrilled with listening to it on the radio. And none of it mattered. I was supported by my parents no matter what I liked or disliked, which freed me to just be me—my authentic self.

So far, my daughters seem to be similar to how I was as a kid, and I believe that is just part of being a person and figuring out who you are. You need to be allowed to explore all avenues. Nothing should be off limits simply because you’re a girl (or a boy!). If we can show our children that we support and love them without conditions (truly), they will be way more likely to come and talk to us about their lives. 

At the end of the day, all I want is for my girls to know they can tell me anything and not risk feeling ashamed or discouraged. I want to teach them to be true to themselves because I believe that is the key to happiness. The world will tear us down enough. Our family is meant to be a place of uplifting love and support, a place to feel safe, a place to be true to ourselves. I will strive to make our home a sanctuary for our family no matter what. When I watch our girls stand up for each other or cheer each other on, I see evidence of leaving a better legacy for our kids.

NOTE: This is the first of many posts in my Legacy series. They will be posted in a scattered timeline, rather than back-to-back like my previous series have been. The reason being that the inspiration for this series stems from raising my girls, and I am just in the beginning phases of this journey! All of these posts will have a title starting with “A Legacy of…” and will be focused on uplifting content. I hope you find them enjoyable!