People can be cruel. My husband and I strive to leave our kids a legacy of love and respect so they can help spread positivity in the world.

Since she was born, I’ve been Emmy’s primary caretaker. She has never gone to daycare. She has never been watched by anyone outside the family. I have been within arm’s reach for her every time she has needed me in all of the nearly five years of her life. Just this year, we have started to sign her up for day camps and activities that we can’t go to with her, and that was difficult for me at first. Of course, it became easier as time went on, but I definitely know how her first day of school will go from that experience—she will say, “Bye, Mom!” and take off confidently to make friends without a worry or doubt, and I will start bawling on the drive home (even though I’m super proud of her confidence!).

That girl is my social butterfly. She gets along with everyone, includes those who stand on the sidelines, and makes a new friend nearly every time we go somewhere. When Emmy took her first ballet class, all the other girls would argue about who got to sit next to her. She just emanates that pleasant and happy personality that others want to be around.

Mama Bear Awakes

But the other day, Emmy had her very first incident of being picked on. She will start school next month, and I already have anxiety about it. Anxiety about being apart after having gone through an emergency like our wildfire (what if we’re apart and something like that happens again?). Anxiety about someone being mean to her because, let’s face it, kids can be mean. Overall, just anxiety about not being there for her when she needs me. 

When my parents brought her home the other day from children’s church and she was silent, her beautiful lips downturned, I knelt down and said, “Are you okay, baby?” She shook her head as the tears started to pour, and I just hugged her to my chest and let her cry. Inside, my heart was breaking and I wanted to know who I needed to set straight. “Do you want to tell Mommy what happened?” I asked. Emmy said she wanted to tell me later when we were alone. 

When that moment came, we sat on the couch and I gave her eye contact and a comforting hand on her knee. I kept my mouth shut as she told me about two girls who came up to her and were tapping her hard on her head. She said she told them to stop, but they didn’t. She said she got up and tried to walk away, but they followed her and kept hitting her. That was when she started to cry and the teacher took notice, putting an end to it. Unfortunately, the emotional damage was already done by then. I hugged her to my chest, telling her I was sorry that happened. I let her cry as tears fell from my own eyes. 

Love and Respect

“Why are you crying, Mommy?” she asked me. I told her when she hurts, Mommy hurts. I said I bet it really hurt her feelings even more than they hurt her head. She nodded. I assured her that she did everything right—asking them to stop, walking away, and getting a grownup’s help. I told her that sometimes it can seem like someone is being mean for no reason. No one deserves to be treated cruelly. In my experience, people tend to be mean for one of two reasons: either someone else was mean to them and they are trying to take it out on you, or they are jealous that you are better at something or have something they don’t. 

She did not deserve to be treated that way, but rather everyone deserves love and respect. I was proud of how she handled it and I shared with her something that has helped me in the past. Years ago, I struggled with someone in my old job, and it was making my day-to-day miserable. My husband sent me a quote that helped me through it. “You’re a diamond, dear. They can’t break you.” Emmy loves all things girly, so I knew this would strike her in a good way. She loved it. Then I told her, “Don’t let anyone dull your sparkle.” She loved that one also. And lastly, I told her to repeat after me as I said affirmations such as I am strong, I am loved, I am Ember! In the end, she was giggling and back to her happy self.

Overcoming Obstacles

Did this solve the problem? Not really. Will it make this situation never happen again? Unfortunately, no. But, did it empower Emmy to heal from it, better understand her feelings, and know that her emotions were valid? Absolutely. It helped remind her that she alone holds the power over her self-worth. She alone controls her core value. No one can take away the fact that she is surrounded by love or the knowledge that she deserves to be treated with respect. No one can take away her legacy that we are leaving for her.

I also believe these experiences will help teach her to sympathize with others who are hurting and try to show them some love and respect. You never know what someone else is going through, so strive to always show love. A simple smile can do more than you may realize. I have no doubt that my strong, beautiful, confident daughter will teach others that they deserve love and respect also.

Check out my first “Legacy” post in the series!