The Next Adventure—We’re Having a Baby!

Lane and I welcomed our first daughter in 2016. My pregnancy had been textbook perfect. I hardly had any nausea and I worked right up until the last couple of weeks. I had created a birth plan that I was excited to carry out. I have always prided myself on being able to tolerate a high-level of pain when necessary. So, in my mind, it made sense that I would have a 100% natural birth, but as they say, we make plans and God laughs.

Then came our first non-stress test that started a week of…well…stress. I was one day shy of my due date. I’d been feeling a bit off, but had just chalked it up to being forty weeks pregnant and exhausted. On Monday, during the checkup, we learned that, although the baby was fine, I was preeclamptic. The nurse told me I was not leaving the hospital without delivering the baby.

Induction—Come on, Baby!

They started me on some medications and methods to induce labor—two rounds of Cervidil, the lovely balloon that all women love (not!), bouncing on the yoga ball, going on walks, breaking my water, and Pitocin up to the max dosage. Nothing could get me past a dilation of 7cm. 

My birth plan was slowly going out the window. My labor pains increased in frequency and scale as the days went by (yes, days…). The pain became intolerable and I was in tears. Lane was beside himself, feeling helpless throughout this entire process.

“I know you wanted a natural birth without pain meds,” the nurse told me, “but the anesthesiologist who is here right now is one of the best. Just think about it.”

I looked at Lane through the tears of the most recent contraction. 

“You really gave it your best. You’ve fought and come so far. It’s okay if you need help reaching the finish line.” He was sitting beside my bed, his hand resting on my arm. Lane could see the thoughts racing in my mind, knowing me to my innermost depths. “It does not mean you failed,” he added.

That’s exactly what I needed to hear. After laboring for three days, I finally agreed to the epidural around 3 a.m. on Thursday morning.

One Step Forward, and Two Steps Back

A few hours later, another nurse came to check my dilation progress. My body was irritated and tired and started backtracking. She told me that I was at 6cm. “No,” I told her in a confident tone. “I’m at 7cm.” She looked at me with sympathy and told me I was definitely at 6cm, but she would come check again in a couple of hours. She added that we may need to consider a C-section if this continued.

I’d already given in on so many things for my birth plan. I’d been induced with everything possible. I’d agreed to the epidural. Now she was telling me that I may need a C-section? Exhausted and extra emotional, I felt like I was already failing as a mom and I hadn’t even seen my baby yet. When the nurse checked me again later and confirmed that we’d be proceeding with a C-section, I just laid in bed silently, feeling lost. 

1+1=3

They were going to schedule the surgery for the next morning, but suddenly, the baby started showing signs of stress. Her heart rate was dropping. My personal goals no longer mattered. I just wanted my baby to be safe. We were rushed into surgery for an emergency C-section. 

At exactly 2:22 p.m. on Thursday, October 6, 2016, Lane and I met our daughter, Ember Dawn.

I never knew love could feel like that. The love I have for Lane has always been crazy strong, but the love you have as a mother toward your child… There is just no way to describe it. And watching Lane hold Emmy for the first time made me fall in love with him all over again, even stronger.

To be continued… (You can find “Choose to Love, part a” here.)