Where Does the Time Go?

I think most of us can agree that we often feel overwhelmed and overworked. There isn’t enough time in the day to get everything done, let alone enjoy some quality down time. And if you’re a parent to young kids like I am, you’ve probably forgotten what alone time even is. Between the kids and our new pup, there is no such luxury as privacy in our home—not even in the bathroom!

If you read my two previous series titled “Keeping Up with the Joneses” and “Work, Work, Work…” then you are likely beginning to grasp how important the concept of mental health is to me. Society devalues our mental well-being—if you can’t see it, it doesn’t exist. But I strongly believe there needs to be a greater emphasis on it, especially in today’s ever-increasing world of speedy technology where our time is no longer our own. With emails and texts coming directly into our cell phones that are usually within reach at all times, we are never truly off the clock.

Turn That Phone Off!

Most of us see our phones as an extension of our arms. They’re glued to us 24/7—we take them to the bathroom, the dinner table, and even to bed. We’re never allowed to be without them, even for a moment. Quality time is no longer sacred. Often, even those who still honor the tradition of family dinners don’t have conversations at the table because they’re each too busy doing various things on their devices. People used to have to wait weeks or even months to get a letter from a loved one. Now, that distant friend you hear from twice a year gets upset if you don’t respond within five minutes to the cat meme they sent you.

Choosing yourself is a choice we all need to learn to make more often, so put that phone down and take a breather. It’s okay, really. Set dedicated hours that you turn your phone off, silence it, stuff it in a drawer, or whatever you need to do to allow yourself some peace and quiet. Those who love you should respect your boundaries, and even those who are simply work contacts should still respect your boundaries. Seriously, since when did it become okay to push those? Boundaries exist for a reason, and it’s time we started prioritizing and standing up for ourselves.

Down Time vs Me Time

A lot of our screen time is time that could be turned into something much more productive, and I don’t mean that you should spend it working. Think about it—after you’ve spent hours scrolling through Facebook, do you feel refreshed or do you feel like you’ve just wasted a bunch of time? When you take a moment to look up from your phone, do you feel like you’ve connected to your family or like you’ve just reentered earth? Consider trading some of that screen time for a hobby instead (and no, TikTok doesn’t count).

Research suggests that we should aim for four to five hours of down time every single day. Well, let me tell you, that sounds amazing. But does it seem realistic when you’re balancing work, chores, errands, kids, pets, and everything else (not to mention sleep)? And yes, it’s great to watch some evening TV, but that’s not quite enough to really refresh ourselves and shake off any unhappy or stressful events.

In addition to “down time,” you also need to include some “me time” in your schedule to truly recharge and rejuvenate, and I do think it’s realistic to aim for a few hours a week to achieve this. Depending on what you enjoy doing for your “me time,” you could spend thirty minutes on it every day or a full day every week.

Find Your Joy

So, what is it you enjoy? Is it curling up with a good book (or writing one!), camping, painting, or hiking in the redwoods? Maybe you love just sitting on the beach and listening to the waves or driving your Jeep through muddy puddles in the back country. If you don’t know what your thing is yet, take the time to get to know yourself and figure it out. Take a dance class, horseback riding lessons, painting or cooking classes, get into a social game (like Magic), try disc golf or regular golf, etc. Get out there and explore! If you take the time to get to know yourself, you are guaranteed to find something that suits you perfectly and brings you joy. There are so many options that the list is literally endless.

For me, horseback riding is thrilling, refreshing, and incredibly therapeutic. Whatever it is for you, hold on tight and don’t sacrifice that time. Trust me, it won’t do you any favors. Instead, you’ll end up feeling bitter, on edge, and ready for a fight. Your hobby should refresh you for the week ahead. I find that horseback riding provides me with a reset button that allows me to be more patient with my kids, have quality conversations with my husband, an even higher quality of work performance, and to just all around feel present in whatever I’m doing at the moment.

Add It to Your Calendar!

Schedule your “me time” if you need to. Seriously. Some may argue that scheduling takes the joy and spontaneity out of it, but I find that if I don’t schedule it, it just won’t happen. It’ll get pushed down the priority list in favor of getting more work done on one this or that.

On the other hand, scheduling my “me time” allows me to communicate my plans with my family and be okay with my husband doing the same (no arguments!). Once I’ve reminded myself how good it makes me feel, I want more, and as a result of feeling like I’ve fulfilled my own needs, I find myself enjoying spontaneous bouts of quality family time as well. When I’ve recently hit the trails with my horses, I tend to be more likely to feel up to a family adventure, like a beach day, a hike in the redwoods, or getting on the floor to help the kids set up the toy train track.

Your Mission, Should You Accept…

This month, I want to encourage you to make time for yourself. Aim for at least two hours of “me time” each week doing something you really love. Spread that time into small increments throughout the week, or enjoy it all in one big chunk of time. Take notice of how you feel beforehand and how you feel afterward. I think you’ll be surprised with how large the results can be. Your mental health is far more important and rewarding than money will ever be. As they say, there aren’t many headstones that read, “I wish I’d spent more time working/scrolling on Facebook/arguing with loved ones/etc.”

Until next time, happy trails!