Growing Together in Our Home

Lane and I started our journey together in a tiny 500-square-foot apartment. It was just the two of us and a lot of love. Our home did not have a private yard or even a private balcony. If you opened one of the three windows, you’d likely be hit in the nose with cigarette smoke. If you stretched your feet out while sitting on the couch, you’d be in two rooms at once. It was an upstairs apartment, so hauling in groceries was a lot of fun (not!). Our downstairs neighbor loved to play his keyboard on full blast, then turn around and complain that we dared to walk across the floor above him. The bathroom was smothered in pink tiles that brought you back to the 50s (and likely hadn’t been renovated since then either). There was zero counter space in the kitchen (think living in an rv). The single tiny closet had to fit a vacuum, clothes, and everything else other people store in any closet throughout their homes. (Unfortunately again, all of our pictures from the apartment were lost in the fire of 2017.)

Money wasn’t necessarily tight, but we certainly lived paycheck to paycheck and did not have any luxurious items or services. We learned how to sacrifice and live with only what we needed. We learned how to see the positives through the hardships. It only took me about a half hour to thoroughly clean the entire apartment. Our rent was small to mirror the size of our home. Maybe we couldn’t afford a daily latte, but we had a four-cup coffee pot at home that worked just fine. Neither of us knew much about cooking in the beginning, but we learned together and now I love experimenting and creating new meals.

And the biggest positive was that we were happy. We were happy to just be together and see where this new adventure would lead us. Even in tight spaces, we continued to choose to love each other. After just a couple of years of working hard, sacrificing, and saving up—instead of a divorce as some had predicted—we bought our first house in 2009. It was a cute two-bedroom, one-bath starter home. We put our sweat and tears into that house, making upgrades as we could afford them. 

Seeking Education

Before we bought our house, Lane encouraged me to return to college and finish my bachelor’s degree in English. For a time, he was the sole bread-winner as I focused on my classes, working with him whenever I could. I commuted about an hour to the nearest university. I worked faithfully on my creative writing courses, pouring my heart into perfecting my writing craft. In December 2010, I graduated cum laude from Sonoma State University.

Our First Hardship

A few years later, it was Lane’s turn to pursue his credentials. He wanted to try his hand at motorcycle mechanics, but his school wasn’t within commuting distance. So, in 2013, off he went to live a few hours away and attend trade school. I had to stay in our hometown due to my job, our house, and our pets. But we spoke daily and tried to visit as often as we could. Besides being apart from my best friend, money was the tightest it had ever been for us during those years. I’m talking the “we have thirty bucks for the rest of this month” kind of tight.

Lane stayed with my brother and his wife in one city, worked in another, and went to school in yet another city, all within the Bay Area. He said the traffic never slept—it didn’t matter what time of day or night it was. He would leave my brother’s house before the sun came up, and get back in time for a late dinner, homework, and a few hours of sleep before starting it all again the next day. We would visit each other at least once a month. Every time we parted, I would break down in tears and count the days to our next visit. We both felt lonely while trying to be strong for each other, knowing this was temporary.

It was a difficult time for us, but we managed to survive by choosing to love throughout it all. We would do little things to remind each other that we loved one another. We’d sometimes send text messages that simply read, “I love you,” or “I miss you.” When I managed to scrape together a few extra bucks, I bought a motorcycle-shaped frame and put in a picture of our dog and myself for Lane to have with him. When he was able to visit me, he’d make sure everything was running properly and fixed whatever may be broken. These were all just little things, but each action helped us to remain strong and know that we were still a priority to each other.

To be continued… (You can find “Choose to Love, part a” here.)