Ever since my first daughter was born in October of 2016, my view on many things has changed dramatically. I’ve realized things that I never really thought twice about before—they were just givens. For example, every woman on the planet compares herself to others—their friends, siblings, celebrities on the front of magazines, etc.—both regarding physical attributes and status of success. Whether we do it audibly or inwardly, it doesn’t matter. It’s just something that we have been taught to do on a subconscious level. (The same goes for men.) 

Here’s the major problem with this if you have kids: they are watching! As they grow and learn, kids absorb more than we can even imagine. As you scrunch your nose up at your own image in the mirror, mention how you can’t seem to lose weight, or talk about how you’ll never be successful, your kids are watching, absorbing, and learning what defines beauty and success and—even worse—what defines self-worth. 

Self-worth is something that every single person deserves to have a lot of, and something that we must guard and not allow anyone to take away from us. It is the core value of who we are, and we alone control it. Often, we are our own worst critics. When you see yourself in the mirror or think about your career/financial situation, do you find yourself drawn to the negative flaws? Do you hear yourself talking harshly to yourself? Ask yourself if you would say these things to a dear friend. If your answer is no (and I hope it is), why would you treat yourself so cruelly? 

Even if you don’t have kids, please stop defining your self-worth by your beauty or your success. If you do have kids, it’s an even stronger reason for you to change this fact and create a new legacy for your children. We want better for our kids, right? That starts with their core—the essence of who they are—their self-worth. If you are confident, stand up for yourself, reach for your dreams, and focus on the positive, your kids will learn this behavior from the start by watching your example (after all, actions speak louder than words). It will be simple second-nature for them. 

But that means that you must do the legwork now to create those changes. It will take time and it will be difficult because for X number of years, you have been programmed to think harshly about yourself. I am still struggling to rewire my brain for the betterment of myself and my daughters. But I’m working hard on it, and if we stick with it and “fake it till we make it,” eventually we’ll find that we believe the words we tell ourselves. 

A little trick that has been helping me—write down your affirmations on Post-it notes and stick them to your mirror. I found it overwhelming to have too many at once, so start with just one or two and really focus on them. Read them aloud to yourself every time you see them. Once you feel yourself beginning to truly believe them, replace them with new affirmations.

The following is a quote from one of my many wonderful clients whose book touches on this very topic. Mandi’s book is currently sitting at a 5-star rating and is available for purchase on Amazon (link below). Visit her website at https://thebirthdaysuitbooks.com to learn more!

I am a strong advocate for telling your children they are beautiful, but the sentence doesn’t end there. Make sure to follow up with a “because” statement. “You are beautiful because you are so kind and thoughtful.”… I don’t only tell my kids they are beautiful when they are all done up, but also when they have more dirt on their face than skin showing. I want to tell them enough times that it isn’t only associated with how they look, but who they are and how they feel.

When I’m doing my daughters’ hair, I love to put my cheek next to theirs as we look in the mirror. I tell them that they are beautiful because of their kindness, and how their thoughtful smiles make others happy. I tell them I’m so happy to have such lovely daughters who make me want to be the best mommy I can be. Then we make silly faces in the mirror and laugh at ourselves…. I know that through these few minutes together, I am nurturing that seed of positive self-esteem. Your example and the precious words you share with your children can teach them what true beauty is. 

Mandi Nuttall, The Birthday Suit Book 1

Self-worth is a self-fulfilling prophecy, so let’s make it a good one and leave a better legacy for our children!

PS—Need help coming up with some affirmations? Here’s an article to get you started. Customize them to fit your needs!

To be continued…