I believe that love is a choice. Sure, you may not be able to choose who, when, or how you fall in love. But once you find that person who completes you, you have to wake up each morning and choose to love your significant other. What I mean is, you have to choose to prioritize them from time to time, choose to go above and beyond for them, choose to do the little things that bring a smile to their face… Choose to listen before you make assumptions or get angry. Choose to accept and love them despite their flaws. Choose to put in the time and effort it takes to let them know you still find them attractive. Choose to share your whole self with them.

Choosing to love is not always easy, and not everyone is meant to be together. Sometimes in life, you may face the harsh truth that your relationship is toxic, and realize you need to walk away for your own health and sanity. But even when you are with the right person, there are always going to be hardships, struggles, and arguments. They key is to communicate clearly and calmly, listen to the other person, and be open and honest with each other. Your mindset is incredibly important in every aspect of your life, even your relationship. You must choose to love.

The Wedding

Lane and I met in our late teens, fell quickly in love, and were married at age twenty. Many people told us we were too young to even know what love is. We were told we’d be divorced within a year or two. I’m sure some even speculated whether it was a shotgun wedding (it wasn’t). In what was supposed to be one of the happiest times of our lives planning our wedding, we were surrounded by negativity and hateful comments. It caused many tears, a lot of unnecessary stress, and it could have drastically affected our mindsets and our future.

(Just a note: please try to be kind to those you love. Whether you support what they are doing or not, your job is not to judge, but to show love and kindness. Showing negativity doesn’t do anything except get them to push you away, and in the end, they are going to decide whatever they want to decide. Just be there for them.)

But instead of making us question our decision, we chose to love through the adversity. The negativity only strengthened our relationship and resolve to get married. We knew that we were doing the right thing for us. Maybe getting married young isn’t for everyone. Not everyone is ready for such commitment at a young age, and not everyone is as fortunate as we were to find their soulmate so early in life. But when you do, you need to hold on tight! Love like ours is rare. Lane and I recognized what we had, and we didn’t let the negativity sway our thoughts.

For all the hateful comments, we had many supporters as well. On July 28, 2007, we had a beautiful garden wedding held on a longtime friend’s ranch, who let us use the property for free. Friends and family members took our flower order from the local grocery store and created the floral arrangements. A relative made our wedding cake. Still others helped to set up, decorate, and break down at the end. We found a wonderful husband/wife photography team (shout out to Niels and Maile Larsen!) who were just starting out in the photography business, so we booked them at a steal and received beautiful photos. We created some wonderful memories that day, and many people told us it was one of the most beautiful weddings they’d ever attended. Some told us that they could clearly see our genuine love for each other.

The Honeymoon

We spent our honeymoon in beautiful Kauai, but not without a series of unfortunate events. We didn’t get to sit next to each other on the plane. Our rental car service showed up over an hour late. The airport closed well before he arrived, and we had to wait outside for him (thank goodness for Hawaii weather!). When he got there, he had a forty in his hand and he drove like a maniac, blowing through stop signs on the way to the rental place, which ended up being in a terrible part of town. The car we received was stripped, but at least it ran.

When we finally arrived at our hotel, no one was there to check us in. There was no office for us to speak to someone. We tried calling the number from when we made the reservations, but got no answer. As the hours crept on, Lane was ready to just sleep in the car. I talked him into driving around a bit. Kauai is small…really small. But we managed to find another hotel and walked into the lobby that was bigger than our entire apartment back home. We reserved a room for one night and the concierge told us the charge, which nearly burned our eyebrows off. Putting aside our troubles for the night, we walked up to our room and collapsed, completely exhausted.

The next morning, we finally got ahold of someone from our original hotel. He told us we should have received instructions in the mail prior to our trip. After discussing that we never received such a packet, he told us we had to go to another location to pick up the key. He refused to give us a refund for that first night, but I was tired of fighting. Lane and I got back in the junky car and drove twenty minutes to pick up our key, twenty minutes back, and finally unlocked the door to our home-away-from-home.

After a very long and interesting first day, we could have easily been in a few horrible arguments by this point. But we realized that this was neither of our faults. Things happen that are out of our control, and it’s all about how you react to them that matters. And most importantly, we were in this together. We were a team. We were choosing to love. And because of that positive mindset, the rest of the honeymoon was as dreamy as we had hoped. We got to experience a luau. We flew over the island on a helicopter tour. We went to the beach (of course). We took a few hikes through the garden island and visited a waterfall. And on the plane ride home, we even got to sit next to each other.

To be continued…